Racing ahead of myself

Regular readers of this blog will know that last year saw me taking on perhaps my biggest challenge yet - running a marathon with my awesome partner in crime. It was, I confess, a hard slog - not all of the time but as the distances got longer and the race got nearer, it became a real trial.

I can't say that I enjoyed it but I am exceptionally proud of myself that I completed it. Before, during and after the race I was firm in my conviction that I wouldn't do another one. The pain - physical and psychological - was just too much for me, and having done it once I didn't feel any great compulsion to do it again. I can safely say I really didn't understand how people could become addicted to such a god awful experience.

Just over 3 months on, has my view changed? Not really. I'm not quite so anti trying another marathon 'in due course' now, but it's still not something I feel compelled to rush out and do straight away. I haven't given up the running however.

Or to be more accurate, I won't be giving up the running. I have rather given it up over the winter but that's starting to change. I got out on my first run in 2 months at the weekend and while my time wasn't great and I felt pretty sore for a few days afterwards, it's also true to say that I felt good afterwards. It was great to get the air in my lungs again, to stretch my legs out and to stomp round my 4 mile running route.

Which is just as well really, since the aforementioned Frances has challenged me to a race a month for 2012 and we have our first one lined up for next weekend. Luckily it's just (!?) a 10k so I've got half a chance of surviving it with only minimal training.

However, for minimal read 'No' training. And if I'm not careful that might be the way it is this year. For a variety of reasons I'm expecting to find my personal time under pressure this year. I'm not unhappy about that but it does mean I'm going to have to be much more disciplined about my training schedule. Before work runs might need to start happening once the mornings get light enough. Weekend runs will need to be squeezed in as and when to get some longer distances under my belt.

I'm looking forward to it. No, really I am. I'm particularly looking forward to enjoying my running again, without the fear of 26.2 miles hanging over me as it did for large parts of last year. But knowing me and my competitive streak, I'll just replace the challenge of endurance with one of speed and will spend my year obsessing about PBs.

Still, there are worse things to obsess about...

TWTYTW

Well, it's that time of year again when I look back at the year that's been, and try to make sense of it all. And it really depends where you look what the year appears to have been.

Looking at my Facebook status updates randomly captured by the Facebook bot and collaged above, I appear to have the most banal of existences. I'm not sure what that tells me - I don't think I'm as shallow as this little selection implies, but who knows! There are a few highlights in there - my continuing search for a permanent residence, my awesome friends, the usual niggles from work, my weakness for the guilty pleasures of idoitic TV, and hints of my new found partner-in-crime. But the real highs (and lows) of the year aren't captured, other than obliquely.

There's nothing, for example, about my running challenge - which is strange because I'm pretty sure I bored my online friends senseless with it this year. Who knows, perhaps even the bot was bored! There's also precious little about my life goals for the year - which is interesting, since they don't really appear to have been central to my day to day musings. And there's also not much about my great adventure to Sicily, surely one of the highlights of my year - not so much for the travelling, which was great, but for the sense of freedom, independence and confidence that it brought me, finally!

So, when I look back (personally*) on 2011 that's probably what stands out the most for me. 2011 as the year when I finally came to terms with who and what I am, and learned to love it. Work-in-progress me has come a long way over the last 12 months, and you know what? I'm pretty proud of myself for it.

And what about 2012**? What's it going to be like? Well, I have a feeling it's going to be a good year, perhaps one of the best. I'm in a great place personally, good things are happening, and I feel ready to make the most of them. I have awesome family and friends, I'm healthy, happy, safe, secure. Life is good. What else is there?

*As I say above, this is a personal reflection on the year. Self indulgent, I know, but that's what this blog is about! If you want a political or news review, try here for just one perspective on 2011 on a less insular scale.

** And if you want to know the real stock take on my 2011 goals, tune in tomorrow (or so!) for a round up and preview of my resolutions and goals for 2012.

26.2

So, I've finally got round to doing my post-marathon blog post. It's taken me this long partly because I've been so utterly exhausted and dog tired, but also partly because it's taken me until today to really appreciate and enjoy the fact that I RAN A MARATHON!!!!

What was that? You want to hear the gory details? Oh, well - ok, if you insist...

We arrived in Inverness on Saturday morning and after a bit of a shaky start with a mixed up hotel booking, we soon got ourselves sorted with our race numbers and headed off for carbs. Which we found in the form of fish and chips for Frances, and baked potato and chilli - with some extra chips - for me. (I'm really going to miss that carb-loading, you know!!)

We also sorted ourselves out with our rehydration therapy for the next day - none of these, but it was a bottle of Talisker in honour of Paul - the reason/inspiration for our marathon challenge.

And then it was time for an early night and bed. Bed rather than sleep, that is. I was far too nervous to get a good night's sleep, but actually having Frances there meant I was less anxious than I would otherwise have been. I was amazed that I managed to get to sleep at all but it wasn't the best night's sleep I've ever had.

All too soon it was morning and time for us to a) try to fuel up and b) head off for the bus to the marathon start. The former wasn't very successful and the latter was just long and boring. Not helped by the walk across the wet playing field on the way to the bus leading to us getting wet feet (you should ask Frances about wet feet!).

But then we were on our way and it was too late to turn back. To be honest, it was too late to turn back when I registered for the damn thing! But by the time the bus left, it was definitely physically too late to turn back.

[Apologies, this is turning into a marathon post...about my marathon]

To speed things up, from arrival at the start line it went a bit like this...

Leave bus
Drizzle
Long Q2P
Heavier drizzle
Huddle at start
And we're off....
5 minutes later we cross the start
1 mile later we realise we're running way too fast
Rain now
2 miles after that we're still running too fast
Heavier rain
1 mile later, hail
Downhill stops
1 mile later, uphill starts (repeat for 20 miles!)
Suddenly we've completed 6 miles (almost quarter of the way there)
13.1 miles, half way. Yay!
OMG, still another 13.1 miles to go...

18 miles, is it time to stop running yet? What do you mean there's another 8 still to go? Surely it must be time to stop now? You could just stop, you know. No-one would mind. Just stop. It will feel so much better. Stop running. No-one needs to know. SHUT UP!
[Repeat for 8 miles, 2 hours]
 
19 miles, will this hill ever end? At least the sun's out now. I wish those cyclists would disappear. Do you think anyone would notice if I jumped on the back. Another ambulance? How many retirals are there? Do you think anyone would notice if I jumped in the back?
21 miles, there's Frances ahead. Wonder if I can catch her up? Hmm, chirpy. What's she taken? Can I have some? Do you think she'd notice if I jumped on for a piggy back?

22 miles, and she's off again. How can she still run after 22 miles? At least I don't have pretend to be chirpy now. I don't think my pretending was very successful. Damn, now I'm going to have to cheer myself up. God, I hate this. Who's daft idea was this?
23 miles, only 3 more to go. You can walk 3 miles in an hour. If you run a bit, you could do it faster. Just run a bit. Go on, just move your legs a bit faster. Up and down, that's it. Don't stop. Up and down. How hard can it be? Ok. That hard.
24 miles, starting to come into Inverness and civilisation. I'd better start trying to run again. 2 minute running spurt, yay! Let's try another one. Break it down into 10 minute chunks. Run for as long as you can and then walk the rest of the 10 minutes. You can manage longer than 2 minutes...well, maybe not.

25 miles, it's only 1 mile to go, just ignore the 0.2. There's people around, at least try to run. Oh, cheers. That helps. Wave. Run, that would be more effective. I'm not going to stop now
25.5 miles, I can run the last bit. It's not far. It is far. How far is that finish line? Still can't see it. Yay, Frances, Dave and Emma, Anna and Charlie. Epic support team. I'd better look like I can run at least some of it. Head up, photographers around.

Fall across finish line. Hands up in surrender, that should make a good photo. Burst into tears (again). Never doing that again....

Well, you did ask!

Maybe tomorrow?

Still no gory details. Sorry folks. The bubbles got in the way tonight. And the strangely flat feeling I didn't expect to get post marathon.

But, as it says - maybe tomorrow...

Housemates

Sorry, guys - too tired to blog tonight. You'll need to wait until tomorrow to read the gory details.

Meanwhile, amuse yourself with this photo of my current housemates. I think Cat was pleased to see us back. Or at least until we got the laptops out.

By the way, did I mention? I completed my first marathon yesterday!

5'49'25

It's done. I now never have to run another marathon in my life.

Gory details tomorrow, but for tonight - just know, I finished in 5'49'25 and I was 201 in my age group. Not bad for a first time out.

Personally I was just delighted to finish and not be a quitter!

On persevering

Tomorrow, as my reader knows, sees me face my latest challenge - the Loch Ness Marathon. All 26.2 miles of it.

I don't mind confessing, there have been moments - many of them - when I've felt like giving up. Running long distances isn't something I find easy, my body isn't built for it and there have been times when I've wondered if my mind is either. Doing the training was tough going, even just finding time for it was a challenge. And the constant ache in my muscles and joints - well, you really don't need to know the details of that!

My sister wrote not long ago that there were very few times in her life that she'd given up on anything. At the time I thought she was just being dramatic but when I thought about it, I realised she was right. I also realised that it wasn't something I could say about myself. Indeed, the photo for this was taken to commemorate a less than successful endeavour of my youth, which I won't go into now but suffice to say, was not my best hour and was only salvaged by the love and long suffering-ness of my Mum and Dad! And was also pretty much all about being a quitter.

That's not why I'm pushing myself to do the race tomorrow, but I will make my second confession of the night and say I'm really quite proud of myself for being here now and facing it down tomorrow. I do seem to have developed some staying power in my old(er) age so perhaps there's hope for me yet. And before anyone mentions it, ok, perhaps not sticking power in all aspects of my life, but it's a start, right?

So, that's it. Tomorrow's race day. There's nothing left for it now other than to sit back, watch Dr Who and try to get some rest before the big day. Wish me luck...

Ain't that nice!

Just as I was preparing to get myself all psyched out about to Sunday's race, I went to check today's post. And this is what I found. A good luck card from the charity I'm running for, the Epilepsy Society. And not just a card, some extra jelly beans too. How kind is that?

Hopefully they'll be really pleased to hear that my ultra generous friends and family have pushed the total raised so far to almost £600.

And if you haven't donated yet, you know what to do!

For whom the bell tolls

I posted yesterday to say that it was only a week to go until I face my marathon challenge in the Highlands, along the banks of Loch Ness and ending up in the fair city of Inverness. And also to say how absolutely terrified I am at the prospect. It really does frighten me. And the closer it gets, the worse I feel. Rationally I'm telling myself not to get worked up, but emotionally, well that's a different story.

Part of the fear is whether my body will hold up for the whole 26.2 miles. So far the furtherest I've run is 18 miles - and that was at a cost. In fact I had a physio appointment this morning to try to sort out the calf strain I picked up as a result of those 18 miles. I was fully expecting not to be able to walk this afternoon, but Simon really must have charmed hands since I'm not feeling too bad after all. It turns out that far from worrying about my calf, it's my shoulders that are the real worry, with several golf ball knots of nastiness tied up across that area of my upper back. Needless to say, I'm booked back in next Monday to undo the damage next Sunday is bound to wreak.

Unfortunately, the calf strain put paid to my distance training, and has also severely hampered my stamina work too. So, in truth, I don't actually know if I have it in me to keep moving for 26 miles.

The other fear is whether I'll be mentally strong enough. Yes, the constant pounding of foot on pavement for 26 plus miles is hard going. But equally tough is the emotional impact. For one thing, running for 6 hours is actually pretty boring - there are only so many times you can run through your current list of 'things to think about'. And then as exhaustion sets in, the ability to put thoughts in any kind of consecutive or sensible order vanishes and distraction by way of thinking becomes impossible. Even listening to music can become a bit of a trial - and that's supposing the iPod lasts as long as I do. Towards the end, there is every chance that I'll actually be forced to think about the fact that I'm running, still running, and I'm not sure that's going to be a good thing. Perhaps the hills will distract me? That's the hills I'll be running up, by the way, not ones to look at!

I was looking back over my various running posts from the last year and I was reminded of just how far I've come in such a short space of time. I had a wry smile when I saw me earlier this year congratulating myself for running 7 miles. I was also reminded how emotional I was when I completed the Edinburgh Half Marathon back in May. Even thinking about it now makes me overcome with emulsion - doubtless it will be much the same on Sunday. Lucky Emma - now you know what to expect!!

Which is an opportune time to give a shout out to my support team - those who've kept me going with advice and encouragement during my training this year, those who've worried about whether I should be doing this at all and tried (for all the right reasons) to dissuade me, the fabulous Sue who stepped in at the last minute to meet me at the end of my half marathon in Edinburgh and the wonderful Emma who has agreed to be there at the finish line to pick up the pieces. As I've said many many times, I have some truly amazing and fantastic friends.

And it's also time to shout out for Frances, my awesome running companion, temporary lodger and new found partner in crime. If it wasn't for Frances, I wouldn't be doing this, and while at times that might feel like quite a good thing, in reality it/she has pushed me to dig down deep and discover inner strength I didn't know I had. And for that I'm truly grateful. Thanks Frances, looking forward to beating this running demon with you on Sunday!

Foot soldiers

My ever loyal readers will be pleased to know that this time next week it will all be over. And - contrary to metaphor - I strongly suspect there won't be much shouting until at least a few days later. Apart from sneaking on to post my time that is.

For those of you who've managed to miss the relentless pimping of my next weekend's challenge - WAKE UP! Yes, it's very nearly marathon time. Next Sunday will see the awesome Frances and me attempting to complete our first ever marathon in Inverness.

It's been a strange roller coaster of a ride preparing for it, and as it gets closer I swing between absolute fear and dogged resignation. Who knows what the day will bring? Well, apart from pain and exhaustion that is. Hopefully there will also be a feeling of success and achievement too - no matter what happens.

If you're in the area, drop by the finish line about 4pm and say congratulations. If you've sponsored me, good on you. If you haven't, get yourself over to my Just Giving page and do the needful.

Shiny new shoes

I am being sensible as a mark of respect to my forthcoming running challenge and only wearing flat shoes between now and 2nd October. And I don't even mean flat for me, I mean completely flat.

Those who know me well will realise what a sacrifice that is for me. But you will also know that it can only serve as an excuse to buy myself new shoes. Which I did and here they are!

Good old Clarks and their next day delivery option!

Just because I'm wearing flats, there's no reason not to be stylish or just that little bit kooky.

The gory details

Ok. I'm slightly less exhausted tonight, so a bit more of a detailed blog post about yesterday's adventure.

For anyone who has been asleep for the last week and hasn't already heard me rabbit on about this, yesterday saw me running my first ever half marathon. It was in Edinburgh as part of the Marathon Festival, and I finished in a very creditable (in my opinion as a first timer) time of 2:20:06. I was aiming for 2:20 or under so those 6 seconds are a bit of a nuisance, but in reality just finishing was achievement enough for me! However, to put it in perspective, the winner of the overall marathon completed his 26 miles in a minute less than it took me to complete my 13! Hmm.

It was a tough gig, and really has made me wonder if I will be fit enough to complete my marathon madness challenge for the year, competing with the awesome Just Frances at the Loch Ness marathon in October. My time was pretty good for a newbie - remember I only took up running last year - and is pretty consistent with my 10 minute mile pace, although it did fall off as the race went on yesterday. Miles 8 to 11 were my own personal 'wall' experience - legs locking up, feelings of failure setting in, extreme exhaustion - there was nothing for it but to lock down and just grind it out, pace after pace after pace. I was living from mile marker to mile marker - you can see the pain on my race photos, which I'll post online when I get the download link.

And then miraculously the mile marker read 12 and there was just over a mile to go to the finish line. The crowds started appearing, cheering us runners on and then, it was round the roundabout and there was the finish line. A final spurt of speed - oh please, let this be over - propelled me across the finish line and saw me complete the race. Oh the bliss - except I was too stone tired to feel anything other than dizzy. Ok, dizzy and strangely emotional. If I hadn't been so tired I think I would have cried - instead I started hyperventilating, not a pleasant experience after running for over 2 hours.

The final challenge was to negotiate my way through the finish palaver - water, medals, t-shirts, photos, race pack, bags. There was no end to it. But fortunately, eventually I found my way to the reunion area and my own personal guardian angel, the amazing Sue who stepped in at the last minute to be my one woman support team. She was waiting with hugs, bottles of juice, sweets and moral support. She even carried my bag to the shuttle bus. What a woman, couldn't have done it without you!!

When I eventually got myself back to Stirling it was all I could do to drag myself home, run a hot bath and (much to Cat's delight) slump on the couch for the next few hours. Perfect protein/carb meal of baked beans and cheese on toast rounded the day off, in bed by 9.30 pm, fast asleep by not much later. I was a tired, happy, sore, exhilarated, excited, exhausted bunny, that's for sure.

Today has been spent recuperating. I'm so pleased I had the sense to book the day off. I managed a quick trip into Stirling for coffee and that's about it. An afternoon of alternatively watching movies and the weather was about all I could manage.

So the big question remains - if I do my training for real from now, will I be ready for a marathon in October? The honest answer is, I don't know. I realised yesterday (and today, ouch!) what a seriously big undertaking this is. I can't really imagine running twice as far as I did yesterday. But then again, that's what I thought after my first 10k, and I managed that yesterday.

Watch this space, that's probably the most I can say for now.