Firsts

It's been a weekend of firsts. Not entirely firsts throughout but certainly firsts for a while.

For a start, I got back out running with Frances yesterday morning - the first time since the great marathon adventure, and while our time might have been shockingly slow, it was good and I felt like I could have run further.

And then, I headed into the Burgh Coffee house for the first time since my holiday and reinstated my Saturday morning coffee and papers routine. Ok, it was after lunch by the time I got there, but you get my drift.

After that, Frances persuaded (oh, it took great persuasion) to go shoe shopping and, for the first time in a long time, I bought new, entirely frivolous, shoes. Well, boots. And quite sensible, but they're entirely frivolous in that I didn't need them, I just wanted them. Who said my shoe addiction was dead?

On Saturday evening, it was time to go to my first ever (or ever that I can remember at any rate) organised firework display. Very good it was too. Leading me to my 'first for a while' purchase of bright pink candy floss, which I later donated - much to Frances' amazement - to the owner of our last stop for the evening, the fabulous Junk Rooms, where we had cocktails. I'd like to say that those were our first for a while. I'd like to, but I'd be fibbing. But they were our first this week, so maybe that counts.

Now today, I'm having my first lazy Sunday morning since my holiday in my flat, and later on I'm planning to get back to my tango class for the first in a very long time - I wonder if I can actually remember any of the steps?

So, it's been a weekend of firsts. And, do you know what? I feel amazing for it. Full of happiness and light. Hopefully that will keep my batteries charged for the next few weeks. I like this life I have.

If the shoe fits...

As regular readers and my close friends, ok most people who know me, know - I like shoes. No, that's not right - I LOVE shoes. I adore shoes. Shoes are my friends and my passion.

Or they were until recently, that is. This past year, my shoe addiction has been somewhat stifled - I've hardly bought any pairs, and those that I did buy have been (gasp!) flat! This is so entirely unlike me that I confess I've been a bit worried. Even more worried when the pair of shoes that I was most excited about buying were my first pair of proper running shoes. Clearly there was a purpose and a reason for investing in them, but they were still functional flat shoes, and effectively trainers.

What had I become?! Where was the shoe diva hiding?

To be honest, I'm still not entirely sure. She's not quite returned yet, but what I am finding is that some of the shoes that I used to wear with ease - well, maybe not ease, but without too much pain - are now virtually unwearable. It's as if my feet have grown and my shoes no longer fit. I'm not sure if this is real or imagined, it seems to happen to barefoot runners, but I can't find anything to say that it's a common complaint/effect for shoed runners.

But whatever the science of it, my shoes just don't seem to fit as well anymore. And a number of them are getting to the end of their natural lives. So, I guess that means I'll have to go shoe shopping again sometime soon - what a hardship!!

Woo hoo! I sense a return to addiction coming any time about .....NOW!

Week-end

Well, it's been a bit of a long week. Definitely back into full-on work mode after my fabulous Italian adventure and I'm pleased it's now the end of the week. Some time for rest and relaxation hopefully. 

One of my plans for the weekend is to get back out running. The awesome Just Frances has challenged me to a race a month for the next year. Looks like our next one will be the Reindeer Run at Stirling University so I suppose I'd better lace up my running shoes and get back out there. 

But for now I think I'll just kick back, enjoy some good music and a glass of wine. Well, ok, it's G&T tonight, but you get the picture...

Have a great weekend, folks, whatever you've got planned. 

Comfort zones

 

It's been a long time since I lived or worked in my comfort zone. I still remember when I started my first job here in Stirling, my boss told me that he wasn't paying me to work within my comfort zone. I nearly laughed in his face. There was no part of the job that was familiar to me, and nothing that even remotely resembled a comfort zone. 

And it's something I've carried on with pretty much ever since.  Just when I seem to be getting to grips with a situation, it changes. Or I change it. Take the current job, for example. When I was appointed, what I really knew about my remit could be written on the back of a very small piece of paper, yet I was expected to lead on it for my organisation. Everything I do now, I have had to learn. And I have learned it, and to my credit I can now talk about it with a modicum of sense. Scarily people actually listen to me too. Idiots!

So, what have I done today? I've talked about broadband, city strategies, solar PV energy generation, Feed in Tariffs, economic theory, raising aspirations, charging policies and the elasticity of price, the value of open space and much much more. The down side is the volume and breadth of things I have to know about. The upside is...the volume and breadth of things I get to know about. 

So, do I have a comfort zone at work? Not really. Do I mind? Sometimes, but not often. Most of the time I just love the challenge. Would I change it? Not for something safer, that's for sure!

Real or imaginary?

 

It's a question I often ask - is the confidence, happiness, composure I feel real or imagined? Do I really feel that way or have I just got so good at faking it, that I can even fool myself? 

When I was young, I was very shy. As I've got older, I've become more confident - or have I? There are still situations that I feel less than comfortable with. I'm used to speaking in public, and I can do it well, but it doesn't mean I like doing it. I can socialise and network, talk to people I've never met before with apparent ease, but it doesn't mean I haven't got butterflies in my stomach while I'm doing it. It doesn't mean I don't worry about what people think of me, if I'm making sense or talking bollocks, or worse still, boring the pants of them. I feel relaxed and at ease with my friends, but it still takes a lot of emotional effort to make new ones.

Since I've been on my own, I've been trying to relearn being self reliant, enjoying my own company, finding out who I really am, and whether I like me. It's been a hard journey and recently I've been feeling like I've finally got there. But today I'm wondering if it's just another false summit, if I'm just kidding myself. There's nothing particular that's happened, no great disasters or uncomfortable experiences, no crises or calamities. I'm just not feeling as chipper as I have been recently. And it's left me wondering if it's just been another partial 'faking it' success, and now I've run out the energy I need to keep it going.

Or maybe I'm just having a bad day. Maybe this is just a passing shower and it's how 'normal' people feel every once in a while.

Don't worry, I'm sure I'll feel better in the morning. Or if I don't necessarily feel better, I'll be too busy to notice. But thanks for listening.

November

No sun--no moon!
No morn--no noon!
No dawn--no dusk--no proper time of day--
No sky--no earthly view--
No distance looking blue--

No road--no street--
No "t'other side the way"--
No end to any Row--
No indications where the Crescents go--

No top to any steeple--
No recognitions of familiar people--
No courtesies for showing 'em--
No knowing 'em!

No mail--no post--
No news from any foreign coast--
No park--no ring--no afternoon gentility--
No company--no nobility--

No warmth, no cheerfulness, no healthful ease,
No comfortable feel in any member--
No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees,
No fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds,
November!

                                                              Thomas Hood

Which way?

Time was, there was only one way to go at the top of these steps - turn right at the top and head in to work. Now, since the awesome Just Frances  has rolled into town, I have two choices - right as normal for serious endeavours, but now also left for fun and frivolity.

Yes, the flat where my new found friend and partner in crime has taken up residence is right next door to where I work. I'll never have to cook again!

[Although I'm currently cooking my dinner - kedgeree - as I post, both of which are taking far longer than they should as a result. Perhaps if I stopped trying to multi-task I'd be more efficient?]