Identity crisis?

Yesterday I blogged about my many alter egos I could find in the virtual world. Tonight's post is more about the identity crises we can all face in our real lives.

It was the fact that today is St Andrew's Day that got me thinking about it - you know, St Andrew, patron saint of Scotland. Do I consider myself to be Scottish or British - or even European or a global citizen? My nationality is British - it's a British passport I hold, but my national identity is probably Scottish. I was born in Edinburgh but I consider myself a Fifer. But I currently live in Stirling and have a strong sense of pride in this great little city.

Am I my job? Or my marital status? Am I defined by my religion? Or which team I support? I'm a sister and daughter - is that who I am?

Or am I just me? Unique and special in every way, and like no-one else on this planet.

One things for sure, however, I am my cat's feeder - and just now he's hungry so I'd better go pay him some attention!!

33 1/3

No, not the speed that an LP went round on a turntable - although clearly it was - but to recognise that somehow unbelievably we are already one third of the way through this year. How did that happen?! Yup, it's May already - spring is well underway, the winter's cold seems like a distant memory and before long it will be summer, recess, holidays, long days, light evenings. And then autumn, winter and more snow.

So, a third of the year in, how are my goals for 2011 going? Hmm, bit of a mixed bag really.

I still don't really know what I want to be when I grow up. Hell, I'm not even sure I really want to be grown up. Work continues to trundle on. There's actually some interesting stuff going on and in prospect - if only I could convince myself it really is interesting, it would be a step in the right direction. So far, my assessment of adult life is that it's pretty sucky - ok, you have the freedom to do what you want (kind of) but you also have to pay the consequences of that. And not just being grounded either!! And responsibility, whose crazy idea was that??

Seriously, I still haven't worked out whether the job I have is the one I want. And my attempts to settle into something/somewhere more permanent haven't come to much. Of course, it might help if I spent some time actually thinking about my job rather than just hurtling on from one week to the next. And if I'd viewed more than just one property, that might also help with the finding somewhere new to live challenge too.

On the plus side, I'm keeping up with my fitness regime - the challenge of a marathon in October is a definite incentive to keeping the running going. I completed my second 10k in April and am signed up for my first half marathon at the end of this month. And I'm going to compete in the annual race in my home village of Aberdour this summer too.

I've also added to my tally of new places visited with a fabulous trip to Shetland at the end of March.

The blogging hasn't been so consistent. I did really well in January and ok in February, but March and April have seen a bit of a slump - caused by a bit of a slump of my own to be honest. Concerted effort for May is required. Although I'm still ahead of my 2010 performance at the moment.

The book hasn't been touched however, my inspiration has run a bit dry. So if any readers have suggestions for plot, character or what next - feel free...!

And me? Well, I'm still a work in progress. Good days and bad ones. Ups and downs. Discoveries and disappointments. Triumphs and disasters. Progress? I think the jury is still out on that one...

100 things

I was going to do a different post tonight, but a friend of mine just blogged her '100 things' and I thought I'd give it a go too.

So here you are, more than you ever wanted to know about me!

1. I'm a younger sister and the baby of the family
2. I have blue eyes but wish they were green
3. I have mousey blonde (now going grey) hair and always wished I was a natural red head
4. I'm now an unnatural red head
5. My sister is a natural red head and always wished she had black hair
6. I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up
7. I've been married, and divorced, twice
8. I still dream I'll meet the right guy, fall in love and settle down
9. For now, I'm consoling myself with Cat
10. I was painfully shy as a child
11. I was bullied when I was in school and it took me well into adult life to get over it
12. Whilst I'm successful in my job, I spend my time worrying that someone will find me out and it will all fall apart
13. I cannot sit still and do nothing, I always have some project or other on the go
14. I can speak French, German, Spanish and some Italian, and a few words of Hungarian and Russian as well as English
15. I love travelling
16. I love learning new things
17. I get bored trying to be good at the new things I learn
18. I'm very impressed I've stuck with the tango for as long as I have
19. I am thinking about giving up my car since I hardly ever use it these days
20. I pretend to be scared of numbers but actually I'm pretty good at them
21. I get irritated by sloppy grammar
22. I get amused by unintentionally funny things people say or write
23. I love shoes
24. I have too many shoes
25. I believe there is no such thing as too many shoes
26. I cook to relax
27. I drink wine every evening and secretly worry that I drink too much
28. I started running last year and am planning to complete my first marathon this year
29. I worry that people don't really like me
30. The only thing I ever really wanted to be was a Mum, but it just didn't happen
31. I have had skin cancer
32. I worry that I might be a bit of a hypochondriac
33. I love to flirt
34. I'm scared of spiders, bees and wasps
35. I'm a voracious reader and usually can't sleep unless I've read at least a few pages of my current book
36. I usually have several books on the go at the same time
37. I have run my own business
38. I made a loss on each year of trading
39. I would like to do something completely different with my life but I don't know what
40. I miss my big sister so much it hurts sometimes
41. I spend far too much time worrying about things that will never happen
42. I have an over developed sense of responsibility for others
43. My favourite colour is probably yellow or red
44. I'm a Pisces
45. I'm a Leap Year baby
46. I have 2 birthdays every year except in a Leap Year when I have 3 (and a birthday month)
47. I find it hard to take life seriously at times
48. I have a healthy disrespect for authority
49. My musical tastes are definitely eclectic
50. I would like to be bad, but I'm not brave enough
51. I once had my palm read and was told I'd live until I was 84
52. The fortune teller also said I would never be a trouble to no-one. She was wrong there!
53. I do tarot readings
54. I don't believe in having my fortune read
55. I believe in homeopathic medicine
56. I'm a size 8 but worry about my figure/weight
57. I booked Deacon Blue twice - once for £800 and once for £10,000
58. The best holiday I ever had was in Goa
59. I can knit, sew and crochet
60. I have made my own silver ring
61. I am a frustrated writer
62. I have been published once
63. I have sung in a choir and performed in solo
64. I can play piano - after a fashion
65. I have no tattoos or piercings, other than my ears
66. I have flat feet
67. I'm 5'2" and have trouble finding trousers to fit
68. I worry about looking like mutton dressed as lamb
69. I don't believe in life after death but can't believe we just stop being
70. I truly believe I am lucky and blessed to have the friends I have
71. I believe respect has to be earned
72. I don't suffer fools gladly
73. I'm scared of heights
74. I took up climbing to get over my fear of heights
75. I like to think I take good photographs
76. I wish I was more creative
77. I was vegetarian as a student for about 2 years
78. My favourite season is probably winter
79. I don't think we had enough snow this winter
80. I've only ever had 2 stays in hospital, apart from when I was born
81. I've been in an ambulance once
82. I've been to A&E 4 times
83. I've never broken any bones, apart from a tiny one in my foot
84. I love steam trains
85. I prefer rugby to football and cricket to tennis.
86. I think golf is a good walk ruined
87. My favourite cocktail is a Cosmopolitan
88. I love chocolate but don't crave it
89. I generally prefer savoury to sweet
90. I love rice pudding
91. There are very few foods I don't like, apart from badly cooked ones. And offal!
92. I've never killed anything I've eaten
93. I can change a tyre, I just choose not to
94. I can change a fuse and a lightbulb, put up a shelf and lay a wooden floor
95. I made all the curtains for my first 3 houses
96. I am worth more dead than alive - financially at least
97. My favourite poem of all time is The Good Morrow by John Donne
98. My favourite book is The Jungle Book
99. My earliest memory is being lifted over the garden fence to our neighbour's house and gripping my toes in my shoes to keep my sandals on
100. I worry that I'll be on my own for the rest of my life.