Monday, 30 May 2011

Getting back on (2)

I was going to blog about running tonight but since my last post I've had so many messages on and off line that I thought I'd follow up on Saturday's post instead. You'll need to wait until later for my latest running related musings.

First of all, to all my friends who have commented and sent messages of support - thank you all so much. It's been really lovely to hear from you all and to get your love and friendship. It really is things like that which get me through on my bad days.

Secondly, I didn't mean my post to be too pathetic. It was just a realisation that at 43, the dating game is way more scary than last time I was single - and that was bad enough. Not only am I dealing with being on my own, this time I'm doing it with more wrinkles and grey hairs and fewer opportunities to get out and meet people. Clubbing isn't really an option for the over 40s, or at least not in Stirling it isn't. And in any case, I'm not sure I would be well suited to a 40 plus partner who still spends his time out clubbing with the young things!!

My work obsession was a contributory factor to my last relationship breaking down - not unreasonably my husband wasn't particularly keen on always coming second to the job, the irony wasn't entirely lost on me that I even ducked out of a heart to heart about saving our marriage because of a crisis at work - and it's now a real barrier to getting out and looking for frogs/dolphins. When I was asked the other evening what I did in my spare time, my first thought was 'what spare time?' and my second was 'good question, what do I do?' Watching TV, knitting and drinking wine aren't exactly exciting pastimes!

Now I know that's unfair - I run (in case you hadn't noticed), I dance, I enjoy music, I love travelling, I do like knitting but I prefer to describe it as one of my creative crafts, I like to cook and when I had one, I quite liked my garden too. But the reality is that I give so much to my job that at the end of the day/week, there isn't really much spare time. And with marathon training now starting to kick in, there'll not be much time for anything else at all. I'll be an even more boring dinner companion if I'm not careful!!

So, a concerted effort is required. I think I need to stop relying on chance and do something positive about meeting new people and enjoying my non-working time. As I said yesterday, I've tried the lonely hearts thing and it was bit off putting. I've also tried the dating guys at work thing, and that's just a recipe for disaster - in so many ways. Choosing my own partners hasn't been particularly successful, but my first blind date experience wasn't too encouraging either. What to do?

Sensible friends advise finding a new interest, or joining a group connected to an existing interest. In reality that will either need to be something to do with running or alternatively an occasional commitment. I just don't think I'll have time for anything else. A few weeks back I treated myself to a number of tickets to gigs and other events. If nothing else, they'll get me out of the flat! And then some internet research suggests there are dinner/social club type things available these days for folk like me, struggling to make new friends but not wanting to be as upfront as signing up with a dating agency.

I'm worried again that dear readers, you will think this is a down beat post - it's not meant to be. Yes, it's hard getting back in the dating scene (at my age) but at least now I'm actively thinking about it and starting to take some baby steps towards doing something about it. That's a huge improvement and something I'm feeling fairly positive about. And at worst, perhaps I'll just end up with a whole heap new friends and some new experiences, some of which might even be good. At best, I might find a new love interest - which would be nice!

All in all, I guess that means - Frogs beware, there's a girl with a penchant for kisses on the loose!

1 comment:

Just Frances said...

I didn't get a chance to reply to your Saturday post, mostly because getting back into the dating game is a frightening idea for me. (And one I've decided I don't care to entertain at this juncture in my own life.) BUT, it did strike me that the one time I actually met someone who was worth meeting was when I was [quite literally] shopping for something else!

I don't know when or how you'll meet that fantastic man who is worthy of you but I have no doubts you will! (I'm a great wing [wo]man, too, if you need one!)