Thursday, 23 September 2010
not drowning, although sometimes to be honest, it feels like it!
Apologies, this is going to be one of those posts that some of my readers don't like me writing. Today has not been a good day. The good news, however, is that it's better than last night was. And this evening is definitely better than this morning was.
So, what's wrong I hear you ask? Everything and nothing, I guess. I've been very busy at work and that's made me very tired. The things I've been dealing with have been complex and far from straightforward. At times it's been really hard to see if I'm making any progress at all, or even if what I'm doing has any point.
And life at home hasn't been much easier. Because I've been so busy at work, things have mounted up in the flat. There's been a load of washing winking at me for a few days now, muffled only by the cries of the dirty dishes in the sink to be washed and the pile of clothes that need to be put away. And let's just not go there with the hoovering that needs done!!
On top of all of that I've been feeling the loneliness of being on my own. I realised at the weekend that I don't often just stop and do nothing, and I know why. When I do stop and do nothing I tend to think too much, and that's when I think about being on my own. So being busy keeps my mind distracted, but also leaves me tired, which leaves me low, which gets me to thinking again - vicious circle!
Last night when I was at my lowest ebb I decided what I needed was to break things, throw things, do some damage. And then I remember I'm staying in a rented place with someone else's property. I don't think the landlord would really be very pleased if I broke his crockery and upset his neighbours. Softer options are called for therefore. One of my friends used to have pillow fights to make herself feel better. But pillow fights on your own just don't cut the mustard I've found. So I was back to square one.
Instead I resorted to a good night's sleep, some moping at work and then a busy work schedule to take my mind off things. On the whole I think it's worked - a phone call with a good friend and a visit from another really helped too. It reminds me how lucky I am to have people who care for me, and even if I don't have someone special, I still have people who make me feel special, cared for and loved.
But I still think I should probably start taking my Evening Primrose Oil pills again!
thanks for listening xx