Friday, 11 November 2011

Minor chord

As more regular readers will know, after my fantastic holiday in Italy the other month, last week I suffered a bit of a slump. It caught me by surprise but it also gave me some time to think, and I realised a couple of things.

Firstly, I realised that the lows I feel now are more about a fear of falling back into the really sad times of the past couple of years, rather than actually feeling the sadness itself. A good friend helped me think that one through and gave me some tactics for keeping it at bay. One of which involved finding a happy memory to replace it with. And what I found worked best for me was to use music. I managed to find a happy song that I can now play in my head whenever I need it. For which, thanks xx

The other thing that got me to thinking about was how music plays (pardon the pun) in my life. In the last couple of years I think I've used music as my defence mechanism. It's been the bubble I can wrap myself in to keep the world out. My iPod has been great for that. With the earbuds in I can literally close myself off and not have to engage with anyone else.

When I thought about it, I realised I hadn't really been listening to my music much recently, apart from when I was running. I realised I hadn't needed to close myself off in the same way. That I was ok with being me and being in the moment, without the need for a shield or protection.

And then I realised how much I missed my music. While it had been protection, it had also been fun. I really enjoyed my A-Z challenge from a couple of summers ago, and I wanted to get back to that place again.

So I've dug out my iPod again, and I'm trawling iTunes and YouTube and I'm refinding my music. Only this time it's for celebration and enjoyment, not protection and escape. And, do you know what? I think it actually sounds better...

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